After some weird bumps showed up on her neck, one of my sisters went to the hospital. There were tests and surgeries and waiting periods and a scary prognosis that turned into an even scarier reality and diagnosis: Hodgkins Lymphoma. Or, to be as succinct as possible: my sister has cancer.
I have been avoiding writing about this because nobody wants to commit to actually typing out those words. My sister has cancer. My fingers press the keys, and a lump swells in my throat. My sister has cancer. There's nothing I can do about it. It is our family's new reality.
As far as my blog is concerned, I tend to try to be either funny or eloquent in my updates. Cancer is not either of those things. Cancer is not funny. Cancer is not eloquent. Cancer is scary. Cancer is a bully. Cancer makes you question everything. I know that it's not my job to decide anyone's fate. I don't even believe in the death penalty. But... it is hard to understand why there are terrible people in this world who are alive and healthy and getting away with awful, awful things... and my sister - who is kind and sweet and funny, and the best mother in the entire world - has cancer. It does not make sense, and I cannot wrap my head around it sometimes. I think at this point, I'm done asking why. We'll never know why. But here is what I do know: my family is amazing.
From the moment that all of this started, there has never been a time that I was afraid Beth would not get the support that she needs. Our family has really come together to make sure that she has everything that she needs when and how and where she needs it. Even people who are my family and not her family have helped - my amazing mother-in-law came over one Saturday to help me make two weeks worth of freezer food (dinners, snacks, and breakfasts) for her to have on hand to defrost and eat, or throw in the crockpot so that her and her family will have one less thing to worry about. Whether it is watching her 3 kids so she can take a nap, setting her up right for chemo with a Nook and some super soft PJ's, flying in from out of state to be with her for a couple of days, or giving her husband a ride to work because they only have 1 car and she is tired - we have all done it without question or hesitation. Beth told me that she knows how loved she is because her phone is constantly going off now - calls and texts and Facebook messages of encouragement and offers of help and funny pictures to cheer her up. Despite what her new and terrifying truth is, these are things to be thankful for. She is thankful for them, and I am thankful for them.
We have another thing to be thankful for as well. The Good in the Bad, the Light in the Dark - my newest brother.
Beth and Garrett have been engaged since August 2012. I remember being so happy for her and them - it was two months before my wedding and I was in full on bride mode, so I was nothing short of thrilled. They have been planning a wedding for February 2014. On March 15th, they decided to get married legally at the court and still have the big party next year. At first when she was talking to me about it, it made me very, very sad. I was super bummed that she even had to think about this kind of thing (marrying legally so that he has rights if he needs them) - I was just devastated that these are the kinds of things she has to worry about now, instead of getting to enjoy being engaged the way I did and just going to bridal shows and vendor meetings and trying on big dresses, and where my biggest concern was whether or not I would be able to afford imported beer - not whether or not my partner had legal rights should the need arise in a medical setting. So I cried some, and then I got it together and got excited for her because I don't care what anyone says - even a courthouse wedding is still a wedding and what's not to be excited about? My sister is totally in love with an awesome guy who happens to be totally in love with her too, and they were finally making it official - hooray!
Because our family is so close, we wanted to be there, and they wanted us to be there, so it turned into slightly more than courthouse vows. A longtime family friend happens to be an ordained minister - he also happens to have a huge house and backyard which he very graciously offered up for this last-minute event. What family and friends managed to put together in three days was pretty incredible.
I gave Beth the dress I wore to my rehearsal dinner, and she borrowed my sparkly wedding flats and some pearl jewelry. We went shopping that Saturday to find outfits for her two daughters - her eldest picked this really pretty mint chiffon dress with fluttery little flowers on the bust and then I spent the rest of the day with her searching for the perfect matching shoes (and you'll be relieved to know we found some!) and we even managed to find a dress for the baby that matched perfectly. As a surprise for them, my husband and I decided to go to the florist who did our wedding and get a bouquet for Beth and a boutonniere for Garrett. Poor thing, you should have seen her assistant's face when I asked her on Monday if she could make me a bridal bouquet by Wednesday! I told her not to stress about it though, that I had a few pictures for her and I had no particular requests on flowers - just that I wanted it to look very springy and with soft colors, the size of a bridesmaid bouquet, and tied with a lilac ribbon. I told her that I trusted the florist completely because we had been so happy with our wedding flowers, and that she could take my inspiration photos and that they were open for interpretation. Come Wednesday when I went to pick up our order, I was delighted to find that she did not disappoint.
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| Inspiration. |
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| Fruition - sorry for the terrible lighting! |
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| A shot of the flowers and the cake - with the cake topper that I made! :) |
I ran around that afternoon with my step-mom completing some last-minute errands - picking up a cake cutting set, chasing down the rings from the mailman (HA!), picking up the food and cake that she had ordered, and going to our family friend's house to set everything up. The house looked great - our friend/officiant's girlfriend had decorated the backyard with tiny lights, candles, and lots of white. Everyone started arriving, the sun set, and it was time to get started. At 8pm there in the back yard under the stars, surrounded by ~20 of their closest friends and family, with their children standing beside them, and with the smell of orange blossoms wafting over everyone, Beth and Garrett got married.
Life has been scary and intense and busy and a little bit hard to handle for the last month, but last Wednesday, March 20, 2012 - was perfect. Everyone smiled all night long. The love in the air was tangible. The support everywhere was overwhelming. The smile on my sister's beautiful face was priceless. Their children were gorgeous, as always. The tears in Garrett's eyes and the way his voice caught in his throat when he uttered the words, "in sickness and in health" were heartbreaking, but encouraging and comforting. He is an amazing father. He will be an amazing husband. He will help her through this. He will be her rock, when for so long she has been the rock for everyone else. I am glad he is her husband, and I am proud to call him my brother. I love my sister. I love my newest brother. I will never forget that night, and I am so happy that it happened, despite the reason behind it. It was beautiful.
It was the first day of spring.
