Not Your Typical February 14th

Every year, it's the same thing. People ask me what I am doing for Valentine's Day. Every year, I say nothing. Every year, they ask why. Every year, the answer is the same: because I do not like Valentine's Day. I'd be happy to leave it at that, but every year, people push. "Oh so you don't like love?" Yeah, that's obviously it. Obviously I do not approve of love or celebrating said love. Obviously. My relationship and recent public declaration (wedding, hello?) and celebration of love obviously show the world how much I hate love. OBVIOUSLY.



Boy, don't we just look miserable? Love is the worst!

 I'm just not interested in Valentine's Day, or being someone's Valentine. I never have been. I just really don't like being told that I have to partipate in something to prove my love for someone. Usually when I talk about this people rebuttal with oh, but every single other holiday is the same and you celebrate them. But it's not. They're not. Sure, you're expected to get people presents on Christmas and every other national holiday is consumer-driven. I get it. My main problem is that Valentine's Day, the day that's supposed to celebrate love and intimacy, is the most impersonal day of the year. For the majority, there is ZERO thought put into it. It is just too easy, and not special at all. Every store I go is an assault to the eyes and looks like Google images threw up a Valentine's Day search everywhere.

 Unless you live under a rock, I'm sure you've been grocery shopping this month - this is the worst. Balloons and chocolate and teddy bears everywhere in the store and honestly, I can even force myself to stomach that, but what REALLY gets me is those big white tents set up outside in the corner of every grocery store parking lot filled with half dead flowers and huge cheap teddy bears that fall apart if you look at them too hard. PLEASE explain to me how this is special. "Oh hey I just picked up some milk and toilet paper, now let me grab this sweatshop teddy bear that has been sitting outside all day, boy my wife sure is lucky that I am so romantic!" COME ON.



Oh wow, you must have put so much thought into which balloon to get!

 It's just so forced. I like that my husband and I get each other random gifts throughout the year and express our love and go on romantic dates whenever the mood strikes. I would not like it if it was done out of obligation because it would not be nearly as special or sincere. A friend of mine is upset that today is Valentine's day because her and her partner have been fighting, and she feels like she has to be all mushy and lovey today regardless of that. Yeah, sorry, but no. Just doesn't do it for me.

Here's what I'm doing tonight - my husband and I are going to a high school basketball finals game because his friend is the coach. And it will be a lot more fun than sitting in a restaurant decorated in pink with a whole bunch of other people who are there because they have to be. If that makes me a scrooge then I don't mind, I'm cool with it. I'll still love my husband just as much tomorrow though.

Here are some things that I would rather do than celebrate Valentine's Day:

Eat all of these green bell peppers...

... and this entire strawberry rhubarb pie.

Watch 10 episodes of Spongebob Squarepants back to back.

Listen to nothing but death metal for a week straight.

Stub my toe in the middle of the night.

Fall down some stairs.

Be put in an armbar.

Get stung in the eye by a bee.

Instead of doing any of those unpleaseant things however, I will just rant on the internet. That's what the internet is for, right? Deifnitely yes. Also, over at The Oatmeal there's a funny post about assholes like me who can't get past how stupid Valentine's Day is, so I definitely recommend checking that out right here.

My favorite panel from the V-Day post.

Oh, but there is at least one good thing about today - if anyone has any candy hearts they are looking to get rid of, I will eat the shit out of those things. But only the white ones. Because they are delicious.

By the way, there's a slight chance that this post was brought on by the fact that I accidentally wore a pink sweater today. NO, RANDOM COWORKER, IT IS NOT FESTIVE. I WEAR THIS SWEATER AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. THANK YOU.

/rant